Bread winning

A reader who wishes to remain anonymous, and thusly did not reveal there location, asks: "What should I do to earn a living?"

Ah, the age old question. Well there are several options for a person in today's modern society. There's always the oldest profession in the world (that would be politician), or the good 'ol standard garbage collector. Or perhaps, Anonymous, you wish to expand your horizons? You could consider a career as a lawn ornament, or, if you're feeling really adventurous, a book shelf.
However, as I re-read your question, I get the feeling you are a man/woman of unique talents, and have asked me this question as it is not one solved in a simple career choice of lawn jockey or flat-object-that-holds-things-up. No, Anonymous, I believe you need to consider a position that will not only provide you peace of mind, but will also provide food, shelter, and a roof over your head (or heads if you happen to be some kind of circus freak, in which case might I recommend applying for a position with Ringling Bros?).

Now, to earn a living there are a number of options you could consider. The first and most obvious is prostitute. No job is bound to get a little living going on inside you faster than the age old sex salesman/woman. If for some sick reason this idea doesn't hurtle your girdle, perhaps a career as a medical transcriptionist. The nice woman on daytime and late night television says it's quite a rewarding career, and apparently you develop a glisteningly white smile and live in a cubicle with a fake plant.

For other manners of earning a living, I might try charity work. I think Mother Teresa definitely earned her right to live, even if she is dead, and I hate the wealthy a little less each day that I hear about the Gates foundation and other groups that give back some of what they've taken.

Speaking of taking, perhaps you would enjoy a life of crime. I don't know where you live Anonymous, but there are millions upon millions of people living here in Southern California. Many of which drive very expensive cars and pretend to be able to afford to own property. My suspicion is that most of these people are in drug rackateering and human trafficking, each can be very lucrative career choices. There's also the friendly crack dealer and half naked masturbator asking for change. Each of these options have proven to provide one with living, that is according to the vast amount of evidence on the streets in this lovely region.

If none of these options seem to your liking, I have one last suggestion. Fart on tape and sell the sound to sound effects dealers. There is always a high demand for authentic fart noises, and everyone has the necessary biology to produce the sought after audio. Perhaps you could record an entire album, cut and master farts into classical favorites and oldies doo wop. You could even jar the scents produced in the process and peddle them to middle school kids who can't live up to their reputation.

You see anonymous. Only you can decide how you should earn your living. There are a plethora of options out there for you, you just need to try a few and see which fits you best. Good luck to you, I hope to hear your next flatulent album on the radio soon.